Part 1

I got a year off..

Sounds easy. writes easy.

what if it's not the truth? what if i tell lies?

Yeah, because of my own doing I got a year sentence.
I'm not sorry. I took this as an experience.

everything that could went wrong in a semester went wrong in a day. what am I supposed to do?

Right now I'm standing again. alone. not knowing what to do? I want to blame someone, blame GOD if I could. but can I? He hasn't done anything to me? I did it to myself.

I start readings about "Purpose driven life" again. I was hoping I can find some answer. It tolds me I should find God to find my purpose of life.
Is this God's way of calling me? or am i just taking this too serious and it's actually nothing?

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

I don't want to live like a dick head. I want to live with dignity. even though the door to it is so Goddamn far.

Went to Australia just to runaway people say.... maybe they're somewhat right. I'm just delaying my "game over" by adding more tokens to the machine.

It's a stressful place. I'm sick and tired of it. but at the same time I felt like I'd die if I don't return. I become somebody there. I bought myself a car. with my own money.
a computer (again, my own money) i've even found someone to love by learning what is to love.

It just felt different. love and lust. lust always comes by every one hour or so. but love. it's just this feeling, fulfills you with hope. and make you feel everything could happen. but she is with someone ha ha. I'm always stuck with that kinda stuff.

It's not complaining. It's sharing.

I have my share of being happy. but this is my share of being sad.

I do not hope for an answer. I seek for it. whatever you have to say, shoot it right in my forehead.